Bath PR agency boss, Dominic Hiatt, a volatile bon viveur with all manner of demons and a moral compass that only points south, today gave a rare interview to the people of the grand yellow town on why he has moved there — and what constitutes truth.
Why set up a Bath PR agency?
Well it’s a frankly magical place. On Sunday mornings as the church bells ring, the jackdaws do loop the loops in their dicky bows, the cattle kick sideways in their deep claret chords and the labradors avoid the puddles in their Church’s. And when you’re violently hungover, you can sit on a perfectly unvandalised bench facing one of the crescents and cry quietly at the magnificence of it all, all the while responding to client emails. Until they move you on, anyway…
What on earth are you on about, man?
OK, the truth is, we had to leave West Sussex after a friend of a friend was caught red-handed by the police enjoying a little horizontal refreshment with a quadruped. It was scandal by association. We thought that the healing waters here would help this friend of a friend overcome his blind (and frankly deviant) lust. So far, sadly, it doesn’t appear to be working.
Why not Bristol?
Well we got as far as Brislington, locked the car doors and turned back. Also, Guardian readers make awful clients as they’re invariably flat broke.
Why not, say, Chippenham?
Or Porthcawl? Or perhaps even Hull? Where is this going, exactly? I can see I’m dealing with the next Andrew Neil here.
So what exactly is PR?
Well now that all news is fake, it follows that public relations is the last outpost of truth. And a town of such breathtaking beauty demands truth. It breathes truth through its architecture.
I’ll ask that again. What is PR?
Yes, yes. So what we do is put companies into the news when they have stories to tell and things to say, and keep them out of it when Little Timmy has been a naughty boy. Essentially, we build brands in the media and do our best to brush things under the carpet when they’ve been up to no good. Which can be quite often, as humanity is fundamentally corrupt and most people are out for themselves.
Why Just In Time PR and not another Bath PR agency?
That’s like asking a bloke in the pub if he’d rather spend a night with Eva Green or Kerry Katona. Of course, I probably can’t say that in this non-binary and PC age so please leave that bit out.
OK I will. But only if you actually answer the question.
Right, well for starters, Just in Time PR, unlike any other Bath PR agency, only charges companies for results. In other words, only when you get a piece of media coverage, in a relevant media outlet, will we charge you. And even then, it’s as cheap as chips. For example, if we got you into The Times, that would be just £250, less than a decent Pomerol. As ex-journalists, we basically monitor the news every day and if we see a story that our clients can add value, or contribute to, we get them into it. It’s also worth mentioning that we have a W1 office, right next to Oxford Circus, which means we have very strong relationships with national journalists.
What’s Rhizome Media?
Rhizome Media is our more established agency, the mother ship if you like. Just In Time PR is a great place to start if you’re a small company or perhaps have never worked with a PR agency before, whereas Rhizome Media deals with more established brands.
Do you just do PR?
Au contraire, Black Adder. We’re all ex-journalists so copy and content are a massive part of what we do, and our other services include social media, public affairs, crisis management, website creation and growth strategy.
What’s your medication?
Old Rip Van Winkle 10-year, a Monty No. 2 and a chunky Barossa.