Cheap PR advice (and free bar) for boot-strappers and Tom Thumbs

Dominic

Posted on 11th June 2016

Are you looking for cheap PR advice, you no-good son of a bitch?

Perhaps you’re a boot-strapping Larry Page wannabe with a dream – but, malheureseument, not a pot to piss in?

Or maybe you’ve got a half decent business already, but are as tight as Tom Thumb’s arsehole?

If so, check out our Walk-In Clinic.

Cheap pr advice – and pints

You’ll get cheap PR advice in the heart of London’s Soho from the sharpest media minds out there – gnarly ex-hacks, not some flea-brained Henry or Henrietta.

Best of all, you can help yourself to endless pints of cider and lager as we talk. Because our office has a bar, and it’s free.

So as we’re discussing the future of your business, you’ve got the green light to drink yourself to death.

(Of course, if you’re based out of London, we can video conference via Skype and stuff — or even use the phone. Today is the future, after all.)

Hamsters and acid

In our clinics, which cost just £99+VAT, we’ll pretty much do whatever the hell you want us to, as long as it doesn’t involve hairspray, hamsters and acid.

For example, we’ll:

  • Tell you how to pitch your business to the most irascible and dyspeptic species on earth (the average hack)
  • Rewrite the frankly laughable press release you have drafted trying to flog your ‘ground-breaking’ product or service
  • Hug you and sob quietly together, as we contemplate the mystery and pain of death*
  • Tell you whether your current PR agency are delivering the goods or are as much use, to quote Malcolm Tucker, as a marzipan dildo
  • Help you understand the bits of your business that are interesting to the media, and the bits that aren’t (most of it, as hard as that’s to take)
  • Give you the contact details of all the main journalists you need to ‘reach out to’ (take me into the woods and shoot me between the eyes)

*Only on Tuesday mornings.

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