London PR firm, Just In Time PR, has secured an exclusive interview with its own founder, on its own website.
In a UK first, angsty truth cowboy and general waste-of-space, Dominic Hiatt, talks about his professional life, his part-time job as a pest controller, and the dark art of public relations.
Why did you enter public relations?
Well I like a drink and I’ve always had a total disregard for the truth. It’s hard not to when you were raised on a diet of White Lightning and Nietzsche. With a cider-addled brain and deep-rooted contempt for absolutes, setting up my own London PR firm was inevitable.
Who’s your favourite painter?
Francis Bacon, of course. He was a modern-day Bosch, just in Macro Mode. And in many ways Bacon was a public relations practitioner himself. His client was the tortured human soul and his brief to promote eternal penance — and the flickering flames of hell.
What’s your best quality?
I can smell bullshit from 300 yards, even with the wind behind me. This means I get to avoid working with idiots and self-proclaimed ‘entrepreneur’ twats and dedicate my ample time and limited expertise to people and business owners I actually like.
When are you most productive?
When working from home in my Y-fronts with a silenced .410 pump action next to the window. That way I can execute corvids when they swagger up to my tits like a horde of Russian Ultra football thugs. I’ve become so good at it that I can take out magpies in a mist of lead during conference calls. The client’s none the wiser.
Do you actually like what you do?
Not at all. I’d rather be a journalist, exposing corporate and broader human corruption, but then the pay is piss-poor and I’m frankly unemployable.
What tip do you have for any company wanting to cut through in the media?
Nothing gets on a journalist’s tits more than someone who sits on the fence, so always say it as it is and use the most colourful language you can. Otherwise, alco-fuelled corporate jollydom tends to go down well. A lot of journalists make George Best look like Julie twatting Andrews.
If you have any questions that you’d like to put to blustery alco-twat, Dominic Hiatt, the founder of Just In Time PR, whack ’em in the comments below. We’ll seek to respond some time before the planet explodes.